free internet! sandwiches!

courtesy of starbucks
redrum and i have devised a plan: arrive at a certain "evil empire" location by 9pm and reap the freebies
last night was smoked salmon
today is turkey and havarti
washed down with a decaf grande nonfat no-foam latte
with cimmamon, nutmeg, dolce
the internet must be due to the numerous unsecured networks from the condos all around
suckas!

buffalo update from 1 week ago:
the albright-knox gallery was LOVELY and i especially liked the gargantuan table and chairs display
and the miro pieces
it's funny but when i think of buffalo (or my fave moniker for the city: barfalo, for all the obvious reasons)
i think of ghetto not so fabulous
now i think of beautiful old country homes from the 1900s
with sprwaling porches and balconies
and old cornershops with 1940s font signs intact
never mind the college student hangout of elmwood
drab suburban williamsville with good finds from
tj maxx
target (tar-jay)
the weather was gloriously bright and so were our spirits
so glad that we didn't drive each other crazy
well not in a bad way anyhow
despite the disappointing ho-jo
and too much grease at the crack-ho barrel
and inferno wings at la nova
started the trip with $85 worth of saved-up coins from T's work
and ended it with lots of memories
and lots of gingham
but a gal can never own too much gingham

shopping tally:
1 dress
1 skirt
3 pairs of shorts
2 pairs of shoes
1 set of PJs
1 box of tiki patio lights
7 pairs panties
1 aluminum mailbox
5 boxes cereal
1 blouse
2 pairs boxers
12 pieces of vintage Fiestaware
1 bikini

am anticipating a day trip soon
2 days simply wasn't enought

have been working my ass off with the young criminals at
"Shanky Stank"
averaging 50-60 hrs a week of work does not a fulfilled person make
litle time left for much of anything
it's not tiring but i am afraid that it will catch up with me
burnout
still waiting to start one more job with Central T.O. Youth Services
and Peel Children's Aid SOciety
which i am looking forward to immensely
not having "Fuck you yo!" screamed at me every shift : )

Listening to: (how odd... just realised that the typical tuneage is being obscured by the many LOUDASSc coffee drinkers here or there actually is no music)
Feeling: achy shoulders

American Mimi

Blogthings - How American Are You?: "

You Are 27% American

America: You don't love it or want to leave it. But you wouldn't mind giving it an extreme make over. On the 4th of July, you'll fly a freak flag instead... And give Uncle Sam a sucker punch!

How American Are You?

"

promise

MUST.....QUIT....... SMOKING.......AGAIN!!!!!!!

What Kind of Soul Are You?

<

You Are a Seeker Soul

You are on a quest for knowledge and life challenges. You love to be curious and ask a ton of questions. Since you know so much, you make for an interesting conversationalist. Mentally alert, you can outwit almost anyone (and have fun doing it!). Very introspective, you can be silently critical of others. And your quiet nature makes it difficult for people to get to know you. You see yourself as a philosopher, and you take everything philosophically. Your main talent is expressing and communicating ideas. Souls you are most compatible with: Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

farewell

Grandpa died 10 minutes ago
and no it's not his death that will affect me
as in missing him or
feeling his loss
moreover it's this
overwhelming
sense of dread that our fathers
and mothers
and even we are that much closer to shedding
this mortal coil.....

this is our reality

Lesson of the day: things can only get better when the other is *finally* clued into what's been eating you up inside for much too long. After more than 3 hours, I can say that I've peeled back the first layers of that proverbial onion. Despite the tears, I've still got a great deal of layers still to remove. Why so scared? Touching upon the issue of "regret" during this block of time, I came to the realization that by opening myself up and being vulnerable, I was indeed, making an attempt at avoiding this horrible feeling later. What worse feeling could there be?

Sleep beckons.

2 NYC pics

Sad to be home in the t-dot but here are two pics from the big town:

First, the loot after only one day's shopping madness in Manhattan:


Secondly, me posing with the GREY FOX at the Museum of Natural History:


Where is the fox you ask? MY EXACT FUCKING THOUGHT!

LIstening to: new Strokes cd
Feeling: like a poo

bah humbug... woe am i, a christmas orphan

well, not exactly an orphan but am feeling a bit out of it this holiday season
none of the 3 large familygatherings as per the norm
no cocktail shindig b/c my family is chinese and chinese don't believe in such merrymaking....
not even the cbc boys
which i can't comprehend
one more annoyance is that i won't be able to see the manfriend at all this holiday
not until january 12th when i'm back from nyc
he's got the family festivities with the wife, the child, the sisters
work
then he's off to nyc too and comes back on new year's day when i depart
*sigh*
sometimes a voice on the phone just isn't enough
*sighs again*
still, he's getting a divorce in 2006
so no more 'married man' jokes
good news is that there's no snow and the weather's mild
everyone's healthy - physically anyway -
no recent earth-shattering tragedies
how can i complain
when i've got nyc to look forward to
and even sooner
a 4 hour tattoo on tuesday?
tonite looks like gift exchanges
food- including a lard cake if i'm lucky-
and king kong
every girl's hero
watched 'capote' last night
and it was sad and funny and hateful all at once
highly recommended

it's OVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.....

can't believe that school is finally over
after a grueling 16 months
but what a journey it's been
with 32 lovely ladies (and 1 strong man)
ladies and gents, make way for the next wave of young people
getting paid to chill with kids all day

autumn is officially over and
my left eye seems to be in mourning
as it's been twitching
non-stop all day

ordered my tickets to NYC and am anxious
not of the transit strike - staying in brooklyn is cool-
but do terrorists like new year's day?
at least it'll be instant death
slamming into another landmark
what more could a girl want?
but to regain her faith again in the face of impending death?

last night's dream:
i was walking past a certain man's abode hoping to catch a glipse of him and i did but not before 2 urchins started to deal some dope in front of me on the sidewalk. i offered to help with thehypodermic syringes and told them i'd vaccinatethem instead of shoot them up. they agreed to get a hepatitis a shot but then the man came out and so we were on our merry way. took me to an indian restuarant - a dark, modern, classy one full of indian people and to my dismay for some reason, turns out that it's owned by him. he takes me to the basement and i'm not impressed with the oversized sofas and assorted people laying aobut so with an intense feeling of having to get away quickly, i run upstairs and look out of a window. it is overlooking a front garden and night has fallen. there are some scatterings of indian people chatting quietly in the dusk and i notice assorted fruits growing from the grass- apples, bananas, pears. in mammoth proportions, created for a giant to consume.

what is the key in this dream?

Listening to: sun records collection
Feeling: sombre

Blogthings - What Kind of Pie Are You?

You Are Cherry Pie

You're the perfect combo of innocent and sexy Those who like you enjoy a contradiction

What Kind of Pie Are You?

What Age Do You Act?

wildphoenix and redrum have this blogthing on thier sites so why the heck not?

You Are 26 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

gambler

Remember that Madonna song rom the 80s? It didn't do too well but i liked it all the same. Went to Fallsview late last nite and after an impromptu lesson in roulette by both my companion and a gentleman playing beside us, i managed to break even after being quite up for a while. i have a tendency to go to casinos with a goal of losing all my money before i can go home which most ppl think is ludicrous. no,i don't like to lose money but i don't conisder it a loss if i had fun while i was 'losing' it. think of all those other examples where one 'loses' money- drugs, movies, dining out - all immaterial ways to spend money and what is to be had from these? fun times, methinks. i like to think of gambling losses as intangible gains (in fun). unless of course, you are habitually losing $14 000 at the roulette table sucha s the afore-mentioned stranger. after i left the roulette table i sauntered overto the slot machines having felt quite unsatisfied with neither a loss or a win so i plopped my tush in front of one called Rich Girl (heh, only in spirit, in my tragic case) and for some reason with each pres of the spin button, i kept scoring multiple wins. ppl beside me kept looking at me and though i was half-asleep i didn't really realize that my points were going up to over 2000. hahaha. that is, until my companion came over and started yelping for me to cash out before i gambled it all away. i'm sorry, i like to play to lose. losing money means a good time was definitley had. last nite,however, i left quite richer and feeling like a winner.

side note: watched 'pride & prejudice' with wildphoenix yesterday evening before the casino. keira knightly should not emote.

eating: All Bran cereal (looks like gerbil pellets)

Robin Hood was a bastard

What Is Your World View?

Your World View

You are a happy, well-balanced person who likes people and is liked by others. You question whether many conventional views on morality are valid under all circumstances. You are essentially a content person. Sometimes, you consider yourself a little superior. You are moral by your own standards. You believe that morality is what best suits the occasion.

What Is Your World View?

birthdays are for the birds

Yippee yay me, I am one year closer to death today (which, btw, i am working on coming to terms with... this existential vacuum).

A ME day complete with a strenuous workout, a high protein brekkie, reading, napping, purchasing some Stella McCartney dresses, fixing my text mssging TWICE with incompetent telus peeps, and of course saying "fare thee well" to past ghosts and demons depending on how you view things.

There comes a day - it just so happens to be my birthday as well - that a person looks inward and realises that they have been holding their breath and crossing their fingers all these years in the midst of a hopeless situation. It's never fun when illusions are shattered but it is a necessity if a better version of ourselves is ever going to come out of its shell. No time like the present to rid oneself of the self-doubt by casting off the cause. Good riddance.

Good.

Listening to: Marianne Faithfull's cover of PJ Harvey's "No Child of Mine"
Feeling: young

Jung says I am a type.....

INFJ - "Author". Strong drive and enjoyment to help others. Complex personality. 1.5% of total population.

Take Free Jung Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

idiot! god!!

Why am I cursed with an idiot supervisor for my very last placement? He is an arrogant know-it-all who treats us like we are incompetent morons since after all, we're students and he's been int he substance abuse field for close to 10 years now. Whatever. My past 2 placement supervisors have been extrememly knowledgable, effective, and genuine people who never made me feel like i was lower than them in any way. Hello, who did they run to for editing their paperwork or for settling trivial pursuit-like bets? Bah! I just abhor the fact that Mr. Smartypants thinks that there is only one way, that is, HIS WAY and anything else is bunk. The way in which he's teaching me counselling is going against what i've been taught in classes and all because I'm depending on a grade from him, i have to forgo my own personal style and emulate his godlike counselling techniques. I have worked with behavioral preteens and adolescent male young offenders, and youths with special mental health needs. I have been confident in my personal counselling style and have found that i have done really good, meaningful work with these people. ANd now i have to push all of that aside just to adopt my snarky supervisor's mannerisms and style. For instance, he says that I convey too much emotion. I am human, and emote, and i think clinets appreciate that i'm not a robocounsellor. Fuck! It's so frustrating. I get no supervision from him, at least, not the proper kind. He likes to look at me inappropriately and i feel icky around him but what can I do? How could the school of social work produce such a pigheaded perv?

Anyway, must endure 9 more weeks of this. But i keep sane knowing that I am getting expereince in a field that I enjoy and that I am doing good with the clients. Fine.

Drinking: milk
Feeling: fed up

left or right?

Brain Lateralization Test Results

Right Brain (50%) The right hemisphere is the visual, figurative, artistic, and intuitive side of the brain. Left Brain (50%) The left hemisphere is the logical, articulate, assertive, and practical side of the brain

Are You Right or Left Brained?
personality tests by similarminds.com

that's hot...

groupie

Er, I'm actually kinda scared of this feller, so how can this be????


You are Gene Simmons's Groupie.


What rockstar's groupie are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

ain't it the truth

For one human being to love another is the most difficult task of all. It’s the work for which all other work is mere preparation.
- Rainer Maria Rilke

I don't think that it was cocaine so scratch it off the list. More like crystal meth.


Listening to: Stars "reunion"
Craving: Starbucks mini-cheesecake
(the strawberry version)

last semester (of hell)

WHOAAAAA... Over 10 months since I last blogged, naughty me. Been through a lot of learning exercises, personal and professional. All quite difficult but beneficial in the long run. What doesn't kill you builds character right? Or so they claim.

I am so ready to get schooling the fuck over with. The first day of my last semester starts tomorrow at 8am. Blech... What is with the early classes? Have to drag butt out of bed at the ungodly hour of 6:30am. Started my last placement at Youth Substance Abuse Program this week. ANd what have I been doing? READING and more READING. On pharmacology, agency policies and procedures, their mission statement, gov't stance on cannabis, harm reduction, motivational counselling, and solution focussed therapy. Wow. Reading about the illicit substances made me think of the drugs I've snorted, ingested, smoked.... and it surprised me that I've done quite a bit of them. Scary. However even with my addictive personality, at least I'm not hooked on anything. Unless you count licit ones such as caffeine and nicotine.

Tomorrow will quit the nicotine. 3 months of puffing away has put a dent in my wallet and how sluggish I feel. (Not to mention guilty)

Listening to: Coldplay "Talk"
Feeling: slightly bored

goddamn it.....

I was hoping to wake up to a democratic America.....
wake me up later, i'm goin back to bed...

How to make a mimi kitten

Ingredients: 5 parts friendliness 5 parts crazyiness 3 parts beauty

Method: Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add a little curiosity if desired!

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

damn you, boobs

I am not exercising today... i am going to have a nap.
Not a lazy bitch nap but more of a 'fendinf off illness' nap.
Boobs, (or "Breasts", as T is fond of calling her) may have infected me with her upper respiratory trait illness last night, as she slept on my floor ma nd I had to inhale her nasty sick germs for 8 hours. Damnit boobs, I dont' want to be daown with the sickness.....

Thanksgiving dinner was a bust. Stupid me for gorgin on 1/2 price all you can eat Indian buffet only 3 hours prior to the turkey feast.

Feeling: sick-ish
Smelling: dirty hair

dream date

Your Ultimate One Night Stand... by crispnite
LJ Username
Favorite animal
You invite over...
They bring...
You talk about...
You end up...	writing songs together
Quiz created with MemeGen!

february in berlin

..is a long shot, yes, but if i start saving up right NOW, perchance i've gotta chance. fim festivals, music, a flame named H - - ahhhhhhhh..... i can jsut picture it now. if i'm really lucky, maybe i'll spot Peaches too : )

newest excuse for not blogging: how my most recent entry keeps jumping down a few notches; it won't stay up on top when the page is fully loaded. i've tried switching back and fro b/w templates and studyign the HTML coding and to no avail. anyone, any ideas?

school is awesome.... did i just say that???

long time me gone

Anger as the gret motivator.... I am finally writing a brief entry in what seems like a year...... ANd it's only one question:
Why are insincere, inconsiderate, immature excuses for parents able to procreate? You'd think that there would be some kind of karmic justice to such an important part of evolution, wouldn't you??

Tired from a rainy camping weekend in GUELPH.

waking life

is not much better than sleeping.
With both, I still can't escape his grasp.

What the hell was I in my past life for such rotten karma to befall me?


Listening to: "Dotted With Hearts" by The HorrorPops
Feeling: post-workout endoorphins flowing
(despite that previous karmic crapola)

am i the only one who MISSES (hating) high school?

Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You? quiz.

myocardial infarction

i HATE waking up b/c of the dickwad.
Fuck. Going to sleep ain't much better, either.

jack bauer on letterman tonite!

Which 24 Character Are You?

You are MOST like KIM BAUER. You are spirited and impulsive, loving and sensitive. You sometimes behave wrecklessly and without thinking, but you are also highly imaginitive and resourceful. In others, you are attracted to strength of character, bravery and compassion. You may be slightly self-absorbed at times, but you may also be extremely selfless at times.



MY RESULTS:
50% Kim Bauer
40% Michelle Dessler
30% Jack Bauer
20% Kate Warner / Sherry Palmer
15% Tony Almeida
10% Nina Myers / David Palmer
5% Ryan Chappelle
0% George Mason


Listening to: "Tender" Blur
Smelling like: self-tanner (yippee!!)

you are so FULL of shit.... I, on the other hand, am NOT at all...

Is there anything more infinitely maddening than ppl that are fuckin' full of shit? That they might have had good intientions in the first place is of no consequence. Fuck fuck fuck fuck YERSELF!!!!!

NO joke though, I am so not full of it. Shit, that is. I have emptied out my bowels 2 and 1/2 times today so I feel good. Good and hollow, that is. Also had a blood test first thing when I got into work this morning, which is one benefit of working for a doctor. No waiting. Ever. For me and my friends, hehe. A fuckin' asshole caused quite a stink today and yelled at me and I just kept an unaffected smirk on my face as he made himself look like a begger fuckin' cockrag than he is. My new system of discerning the pookshits from the normal civilized patients is to place a red dot on the upper-left corner of their file which will serve as a reminder that they were rude at least once. And you know what they say about leopards changing their spots. Especially not likely in the ghettoooooooo.....

Ahh... now gotta wait for my test results for everything, including cholesterol, glucose levels, etc. This is my first time - I've only ever been tested for STDs and unintentional pregnancies..... THe best part is the line my boss would say each time I requested one of THOSE tests; "Having too much fun, huh? Hahaha." He's cleaning out his house, putting in hardwood floors so he's cleaning out eveything and lucky for me, I get to have some old shit like typewriters from the 1960s and all od shit. Unfortunately I didn't mention my penchant for old stuff to him earlier 'cause he says he already tossed out a lot of vintage stuff, namely vintage COUTURE clothing. Gah! Imagine the small fortune I'd make on eBay?!!

Speaking of old stuff, will be going to the Clothing Show at the Exhibition Place this Sunday with wildphoenix. Hopefully I'll come home with one thing that I love and it won't be a complete waste of time.

Must go whip some triceps into shape now.

Listening to: "Red Hot" RoGo aka. Robert Gordon
Feeling: tame

you pin-up gal, you!!

You're Bettie Page!


What Classic Pin-Up Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

can't wait

...for PEACHES tomorrow night! I hope there'll be freaks galore!!!!!!

Check this out in the meantime.

Listening to: Peaches (duh)
Feeling: supafly!

april showers.....

Dreaming that you receive a bouquet of flowers, represents respect, approval, admiration, and rewards. Seeing colorful flowers in your dream means kindness, compassion, gentleness, pleasure, beauty, and gain. It is also symbolic of perfection and spirituality. Your dream may be an expression of love, joy and happiness.

Dreaming that you are wearing a bikini, suggests that you are feeling exposed. You may feel unprotected emotionally

Ah, some intriguing people have entered or re-entered my life. Did it all really have to happen over the course of one evening? Especially when I was caught in a heavy downpour not once, but TWICE that evening. Sheesh. My dreams are telling me that these are not necessarily bad things so I think I'll go with it. HOWEVER..... I had made a pact with myself to ban all rock boys from here on in; hello, I'm not 19 anymore. Still, what's the use? There's something about me that seems to attract these perenniel little-boy egoists. Elle says maybe I look like a groupie..... do I? But how could I when I'm not one? THe only man I ever wanted to be a groupie for has just about dropped off the planet for almost a year now ; my planet, that is. I always envision bumping into him 20 years form now and I'll recognize him even if he's almost a senior by then and he'll look at me and not even an ounce of recognition will flicker in his eyes. Those piercing blue blue eyes. Will I ever see him in the flesh again?

Don't answer that.
Life is good right now, dont' wanna get dragged down just yet.

Looking forward to some fun drunken times this weekend at the Cadillac Lounge and will finally check out OHM 4.1 at Gypsy Co-Op afterwards.
The latter is just for jokes of course; Elle needs to have a great post-breakup jolly ol' time and if that means flirting with old lovers- - then so be it.

Hmmmm, the treadmill sessions are a freakin' miracle. Goodbye chronic insomnia, hello boundless energy! It makes me wonder how I could've gone for a decade without it. Those sleepless nights were completely avoidable. I've reached my initial target fit zone but I think I'm gonna ammend it to push myself even more.

It's a bight and temperate day out (and I'm up before noon on my day off!!) so I gotta get away from this computer in my dank basement.
Off to Starbucks first!

Listening to: some slutty electroclash tune with a good beat
Feeling: impatient

recent dream themes.....

Dreaming that you are pregnant, symbolizes an aspect of yourself or some aspect of your personal life that is growing and developing. You may not be ready to talk about it or act on it.

Dreaming of a kiss indicates love, affection, tranquility, harmony, and contentment.

Dreaming that you are being chased means that you are avoiding a situation that you do not think is conquerable. It is often a metaphor for some form of insecurity.


Listening to: "Let's Get Fucked Up"
Feeling: aching biceps

Personality Quiz - What Sort Of Hat Am I?

...from wildphoneix's blog:

I am a Top-hat. I'm a bit of a jack-of-all-trades; creative, in a stylistic sort of way, a little vain, a little dark, perhaps a little archaic. I get on alright with people, but I can take them or leave them. What Sort of Hat Are You?

Delicious....

Newfound ever-changing definitions of heaven for under $10:

Starbucks - grande sugar-free vanilla nonfat Lactaid latte
*with* sugar-free, gluten-free mini cheesecake (strawberry)

Yogen Fruz - new sugar-free, fat-free frozen yogurt w/ blueberries & kiwi

Montforts - chicken shawarma unlike any other place's & Greek salad w/ extra feta and hold the olives

Kiefer - any DVD rental will do, especially on a shitty rainy night like tonight (the more low-budget, the better, ie. Dead Heat)

Blistex Pro-care lip balm tube - great non-greasy wear that tastes soooo yum

Feeling: gassy
Drinking: Diet Pepsi

Warning: Contents are HOT!!!!!!

Below is my most current man-love addiction as of late. This phenomenon always seems to strike me whenever I chance to dream about them several times in a week, all of a sudden, and without any precipitating factors for it. ANd so now I am a crazy with Google as my best friend. BTW, this is a FAR more satisfying dream man than Billy Corgan circa. 1997 or so, which made me obssess about that egg head for all of 2 days or so....
*sigh* how dreamy


Excuse me, must get back to my stack of dvds awaiting me upstairs. Am in the midst of completeing season 1 of 24.
Anyone up for watching IMAX Nascar on the big screen? Hint: the narrator of the feature has the sexiest voice *and* mismatched eye colors!!!

Er, and for more hotness, click me quick!! but don't say I didn't forewarn you : )

Listening to: latest cd by Air
Wearing: pyjamas

I got accepted!

Great news for a Monday morning..... Helen gave me an envelope from my 1st choice college and I was a bit nervous since I was told that acceptances would be mailed out startign March 31st. Besides, my orientation session where we had to write short answers and do a computerized English test was only last week so I figured it couldn't be a letter of acceptance. Besides, you're supposed to look forward to the thicker mail and that's what I got. Looks like I got into the Accelerated Child & Youth Worker program for this September -- my first choice and the one I was most worried about seeing some other girls at the orientation with STACKS of reference letters, those browners. I am *much* relieved..... In a whirlpool of internalizing frustrations and too many piss-offs to mention here, this really is a godsend. I only hope that I don't get emotionally burnt-out which is the #1 reason for failure. I think it's all good.

Listening to: Kevin Shields' instrumental
Feeling: queasy stomach (sashimi gone bad?)

she's got big balls!

Tonight was my EIGHTH time going to the "lovely" town of Thorold (near St. Catherines)and yet I still got lost. This used to be the location of the nastiest dive bar, Front 54 (how clever), but it has been renamed quite unfortunately as The Moose and Goose.... or something like that. I had seen my band play there for the first time in 1997 where I fondled H's thigh and was bruised all over from the crazed moshers, which eventually forced me to find some relief by sitting on the actual stage.

But I digress.

Tonight was weird. Went there for the ACDC covers show featuring, incidentally, all the members of the aforementioned band minus H, of course. Redrum and I still felt like outsiders in a sea of white trash folk and Fubars, but what the hey, the drinks are always cheaper in these parts, than in the Big Smoke. Who the fuckreally refers to Toronto as that anyway? Almost as soon as we came in and checked out the stage, some boys came up to us and asked us where we're from in the small talk. Still, in places like these, better not to blend in with the local colour. I was not even nearly premenstrual but why was it that within the first song off of 'Back in Black,' my eyes started to get all teared up? Damn sentimentality! It was beyond weird to see the 3 of them up there with a different singer. My mind just kept wandering to the past several years --- all of my 20's really--- and all those memories. People just don't get it at all when I get all nostalgic nowadays and even before when I travelled all over the country to see this band. I think you really can't understand how music can be so significant - that is, in terms of bonding and having a second metaphysical home of sorts, that's never just in one place. These things beome so necessary that being a hard core fan is lifestyle that's been chosen for you. Hard to explain and understand. Unless you're a freak too, just like us. Saw some old faces from the days of when the band still existed and it's always nice to know that other people are still holding on as well. Backstage/downstairs after the show was a little odd. It didn't really feel like the "post-show thing" anymore- just more of a catching-up session. Indeed. It makes me slightly sad that they've all seemed to lost weight, and to think that maybe it's not from dieting.


Must retire to bed now. Tomorrow and tomorrow....



Listening to: the ringing in my left ear
Feeling: tense/sore neck & shoulder muscles

Green! or "geen geen" as Declan would say

So there ya go, Wildphoenix--- a new template, that is I hope, to your satisfaction for the time being. No more flames!!!

Went to my orientation sessions at Humber college the past week. Such a HUGE contrast to university life; the campus is tiny and closeknit, people actually talk to each other, and a career may actually come out of the thousands upon thousands of dollars spent on tuition. Don't get me wrong, I do not regret getting my Bachelor's degree since I'm a firm believer in never having too much knowledge, HOWEVER, I was disillusioned that I'd actually secure anything else (ie. a job) as a result of al that theory learnt in university. Seems to me that if you're not financially sound and don't like to read much, then college is the route to tread with the bonus of getting a job. Too bad for me I am a bibliophile but it's been years since graduation and I really don't want to keep working menial jobs all in the name of helping other people make money. Hopefully I will be able to make a living helping other people who truly need my help- no way am I going to bow down to the corporate machine. Nothing left to do now but wait for my acceptances/rejections....

Last night (she said), did some long overdue shopping at Yorkdale with Redrum. I bought an awesome pair of red, retro slingbacks for only $69! Reminiscent of the 40s and leather too! Also bought a rather ugly dress from XX Mexx since it was only $30. It's only ugly if the wearer intended it to look beautiful but I saw it and instantly longed to punkify it with some asymmetrical tears and black lace. Skin-tight hot pink animal print will never go out of rocker chick style! Redrum lifted some hot pink earrings for my ensemble as well. Finally bought a white, slightly floral hula halter top which was also sort of yucky but quite appealing at the same time. Hmmmm, the tags are still attached and that can only signify my indecision about it.

High-tailed it to the 'Shoe well after midnight and bumped into Rog and a friend of his. Rog always smells like patchouli. Turns out that I'm not the only stalker eBayer I know -T says he's been trying to look me up on the eBay search for some time now. But I still didn't give him my handle - no spying please!! 2 double gin and sodas later, it was closing time so we all went into Rog's hippie car and went to 7 West for late-night yumyums. I (bad girl!!) had WHITE pita bread with hummus but I did not eat all of the pita so nyah nyah. Besides I worked out extra today on the treadmill and did a more strenuous floor routine as well. Couldn't enjoy all of my double espresso either since Tyrone fuckin' poured candlewax into it. Argghhhhh --- and I was saving it for after my meal too : ( Drove Wildphoenix and Redrum home during some minor splashes of rain on he windshield and got home at 6:30am or so, having escaped the rush hour, whew!

And now, please, a moment of silence for Dempster's Carb-Wise whole wheat bread.

Listening to: "Into My Arms" by Nick Cave
Feeling: dread (of work tomorrow)

Letters from the past

October 7th
Hey, How are you? Sorry for not calling you at 4:00 yesterday, I had to help my parents outside the house, planting things..

Incase you are wondering I decided to type this because I could not find a pen and paper to write with.

It is 4:56am, and I can't sleep. I thought about calling you, but I decided not to, you're probably asleep. Did you talk to AJ? I saw him att the end of the day just before last period and he waas in crutches. Someone said he had gotten tackled, fell and the guy that tackled him fell on his legs.

Liz, I'm tired now,
love you,
R--- A J D-----

This is typed with large borders all around, like all his letters were. I suspect so that a little paragraph looks like it's taking up a whole page. I used to harass the shit out of him to write me long letters. Looking back, I realise that I was completely underserving of his brilliant generosity and sincerity. No one has ever treated me so well.

----

(on the envelope for my birthday card, it is written:
TO E-LOSER THE UGLIES GIRL IN STFX.)

TO THE UGLIES FUCKING GIRL IN THE WORLD. YOU LOOK LIKE THE PIGS ON THE COVER. HA! HA! YEAH SUT UP. I HATE YOU, YOU MADE ME TRAVEL ALL THE WAY TO SQUARE ONE. THEN I HAD TO WALK AROUND THE STUPID MALL WITH MY BIG FAT SISTER, AND POOKEY, AND THE CARRIAGE IS ALL SCREWED UP. SO WHEN I TRIED TO TURN IT, I HIT THIS GUY. WELL WHAT CAN I SAY BUT (HI, HI, HI). LIKE THOSE LITTLE BLOBS OF CLAY. WELL I'VE KNOWN YOU SINCE YOU TRIED TO LIGHT THE SCHOOL ON FIRE, WITH THE CIGARETTE IN YOUR COAT. DON'T TRY TO BLAME IT ON CINDY, YOU FUCKING DICKHEAD. SINCE I AM SUCH A NICER PERSON, I ACTUALLY TALK TO YOU, AND EVEN MANAGED TO TRAVEL THAT EXTRA MILE TO PORT CREDIT. SO WE COULD DRIVE PAST 502 OR WHAT EVER THE HELL IT IS. REMEMBER WHEN MY BIRTHDAY COMES THAT I WANT THE HAT IN LE CHATEAU.

LATER E-LOSER

FROM B---- h-----
(TRIPLE B WHCIH STANDS FOR BIG, BAD, AND BEAUTIFUL)

Believe it or not, she is now getting ready for her bar exam in Manhattan!!!


-----

From a guy in jail, whom I still talk to today even though I never replied. This is written on fibrous yellow lined legal pad paper with blue ink:

Dear Iliza

I have to write this letter fast I have a Jet ski lesson at 2oclock. Everything is crisp here at club med. So how have you been, I have been thinking about you quite often I guess I miss you I don't know why or how I could miss a geek like you. Just joking. You know I Love you.
Alot of the time I find myself a night in bed thinking of you and your silk nighty with satin sheet but most of all I think about yout long sexy legs and how much I would love to be in between them.
I know you have been thinking about doing the do with you know who I don't know why you have been fighting your feelings. And tell the Lego Maniac to move off.
Write me back soon and send a picture.


--------
From my goth days and from a smart, quiet, genuine gal. Possibly the most unfake person in school. I remember she lived in a house with 9 other people.

June 1
Dear Lestat de Lioncourt,
Bonjour! Qu'est-ce qui s'est passe? This is your fellow vampire, Armand or Amadeos or Lamia. Pick one!? I must say your letter was... hmmmm... let me see or should I say-write-....vey interesting. I noticed your choice of words, your ability to jump from topic to topic and your fascination of writing about mumbo-jumbo! Please take no offense to my sarcasm.
I'm writing to comment on your instructions concerning MT. As much as I may want to talk to him-I can't and I won't. It is against my principles. In other words, you will be waiting a long time for your answer of whether or not he is seeing a girl or a boy.

Fellow Vampire
until death due
us part,
Armand

P.S. Gabrielle is looking for you.
P.P.S. I'm reading "Queen of the Damned" and a book of poems by John Keats, Lord Byron + _______ Shelley. Did you know John Keats wrote a very, very long poem called "Lamia"? Well he did. I'm only on part I !

---------

lost friendship

Now I believe more in my psychic abilities, hehe. All these high school dreams that have been haunting my sleep for the past few weeks now make sense in light of a phone call I received today. Being too cheap to pay for Call Display, I picked up at work and I heard a slightly spasmodic voice say "What is this? Lost friendship or something??" and instantly I was brought back to those carefree spasmodic high school days..... It was Magie- how long was it since we last spoke? Hmmmm, I would say about 5 years or so. Which seems much too long for how close we used to be. She was always the one who could beat me in gay-ass antics and acting all dramatic-like, as if we were caricatures of late-night sitcoms. We were comically catty together and I remember that one Christmas we parked at an empty parking lot, chain-smoking, and being depressed. She said that she picked up the phone to call b/c she had a dream of me last night where I was chronically ill or something of that nature. Off the mark since an early period is hardly an ILLNESS. It makes me ILL that I may be bleeding for 3 weeks straight, aiya!!! Well we talked for 2 more hours on the phone after I got home jsut catching up on the missing years. All is well with both of us - more so for her because she's so much more "stable" than I am. But it's to be expected. But we're not yet 30 so there's still time to have all of those high school predictions come true.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Listening to: Yeah Yeah Yeahs "Maps"
Feeling: nostalgic

Uh-oh......

I got my period early. And I mean early as in TWO WEEKS early! I can usually set my proverbial watch to getting it every fourth Wednesday morning. Elle says this has happened to her when she really messed up taking her birth control pills one time and so she bled until she got her period. Well, I take my pills on the hour like a hypochondriac so out goes that possibility. And if this continues into next Wednesday then this will be the first time that my period will last 17 days in total... how fuckin' sick is that?

Second uh-oh.... is the whereabouts of Clauds. Apparently her brother hasn't seen her for the last few days and has no idea where she is. When Elle phoned today, he suggested that she may be on vacation. Perhaps we should be much more worried than we already are but she's always been quite the "lone she-wolf." She likes to do things by herself and keep things to herself, so we'll just wait. Heh, maybe she went back to NYC to catch the January sales. Or maybe she's eloped with a bi-curious, part-Metis butcher who has a facial dermatological problem. Godammit, she'd better not be in Utah for you-know-what/whom.....

Had a bottle of low-carb Sleeman Clear this evening with the after-work crowd. Ick. Both the "beer" and the suits : P

Listening to: Velvet Underground "Here comes the Sun"
Feeling: menstrual... ha...ha..HA

dream

Last night's dream motifs:
I was lost again and eventually ended up in a stark, minimalist bathroom, all white and chrome faucets, slightly claustrophobic. The white toilet stands out as the focal point of the room and for some reason I am standing on it as there is a white mouse with a long pink tail scurrying around on the white tiles.

Dreaming that you are in the bathroom, relates to your instinctual urges. You may be experiencing some burdens/feelings and need to "relieve yourself". Alternatively, it may symbolize purification and self-renewal. You need to cleanse yourself, both emotionally and psychologically.

Seeing a toilet in your dream, symbolizes a release of emotions or getting rid of something in your life that is useless.

Seeing a mouse in your dream indicates fear, meekness, and a lack of assertiveness. You possess feelings of inadequacy and not measuring up. Alternatively, it may symbolize minor irritations and annoyances.

Bad News..... I knew my recurring dreams of high school and being lost were an omen.....

The bad news came in a white envelope today from George Brown College - a THIN one too. Which can't be good. Well, I wasn't rejected nor accepted; my program is suspended for May 2004 and will be back in 2005. What the bloody fuckin' hell is this???!!! So basically I paid OCAS $75 for applying to a closed program.... jesus H christ....

The good news is that I found another accelerated program at Humber College that will commence this Spetember and end next December. So I won't be 30 when I finally graduate! Keeping my fingers and toes crossed. So now, I'm gonna try and wrangle a refund out of OCAS.

Listening to: Elvis Costello "Alibi"
Feeling: more optimistic than when I got the dreaded letter

Dream

I had dreamt that I was in a brightly-lit indoor venue, watching H perform onstage. This was actually in my old high school's audtiorium/cafeteria, hence, "the cafetorium", whereupom I became aware that he was keeping an eye on me from the stage. So in my seat, I crossed my legs so that my garter would be exposed on the hint of skin was exposed between my skirt and my boots. I went to the bathroom and then when I got back, he was launching into a cover of "Tainted Love" and snapping his fingers all Sinatra-like. To my dismay. I blinked once, and he had morphed into Marilyn Manson.

Definition: Dreaming that you are at a concert, represents harmony and cooperation in a situation or relationship of your waking life. You are experiencing an uplift in your spirits.

Reading: The Navigator of New York by Wayne Johnston
Wearing: lilac flannel pj's with a stars and crescent moons motif
(yeah, it's early-evening and I'm still in 'em..so what????
the snow has been mercilessly falling all day so i'm just as good as stranded in the house.)

new year's bullsheeit

My mind has been out of sorts lately which I am attributing to several factors.
Back on the Zyban again, so welcome in PMS 24-7 for a few months.....
and even worse insomnia.
Am now a sober gal... no drinking since NYE.
Have quit all starches, sweets, fruits and other things in order to minimize weight gain in the absence of cigarettes.
It's easy living on tuna and lettuce and MEAT....mmmm mmmmm MEAT!
Am turning into a hardcore carnivore.
(that rhymed... good joke band name like Duck Don't Die).
Currently am too chickenshit to apply to school b/c of the whole transcript thing.
Can't recall how many F's I've got.
H is going to Sundance. Say hey to Robert Redford for me, would ya?
In the meantime, some 2003 faves:
Film: Lost in Translation
CD: Yeah yeah Yeahs "Fever to Tell"
Xmas gift: Winnie the Pooh adult sleeper (ya pervert!)
Excursion: NYC
Food discovery: unlimited sashimi at Katsu
Er, can't think of anything else for now. 2003 sucked ass.
All hail the new year!!!!

Listening to: declan's screaming
Feeling: tired and pissed off

music survey

1) Using band names, spell out your name.

D4, the
Elvis!
Abba
Death Cab For Cutie
Strokes, the
Teenage Head
Air
Rancid

2) Have you ever had a song written about you?
Unintentionally, yes, lots.

3) What song makes you cry?
Pale September by Fiona Apple.

4) What song makes you happy?
Most rockabilly songs.

5) What do you like to listen to before bed?
Chan Marshall's voice.

6)Name a song by Coal Chamber:
Sorry, don't know.

7) Who was/were your idol/s when you were younger?
20 years ago; Helen (my mother).
10 years ago; PJ Harvey.
Now; all strong and successful women.

8) First album you ever bought?
First record bought for me must have been Strawberry Shortcake, either "Big Apple City" or "Country Jamboree."
First record I actually chose may have been Wham! "Make It Big."
(how the fuck can I remember? I'm old!!)

Oh, and lookee here at this pic:

The Bather
Cezanne

This is the first time I've come across a (semi)nude portrait of a *male* bather.
And it's not sexualized at all, either.
Rather, he looks pensive or slightly furstrated.
Hell, I would look like upset too if I was trying to bathe in a puddle wearing a dirty loincloth.

What Flavour Am I?

I am Chocolate Flavoured. I am sweet and a little bit naughty. I am one of the few clinically proven aphrodisiacs. Sometimes I can seem a little hard, but show warmth and I soon melt. What Flavour Are You?

LOTR

Did a familiar Xmas ritual tonite: the viewing of The Lord Of the Rings: The Return of the King. It made me tear up several times, I was all tense, and my bladder almost busted. Damned Starbucks. How come my boy Legolas only says "A diversion" throughout the whole epic besides for counting in one fight scene? Look pretty, be dextrous, and shut the hell up. He must be good in bed, haha.

More Xmas festivities to begin and I am mad at some eBay sellers whose items I had purchased as gifts have still not arrived yet. Aaaaaaarggghhhhhhhh.

Got a much-belated bday present tonite as well, thanks Claudia. All of the pieces will surely beautify me to no end, lol ; ) I'll be needing it nexy year......

I wish Declan still called me "MMMMNNN?" instead of "yee-yee" but Didi keeps encouraging him to be proper. He'll only say it now if I prompt him, er, bribe him with something first. But at least he doesn't see me and say "Oh shit" like when he sees Auntie Wanda, haha.

Smelling like: Maybe Baby (i LOOOOVE it)
Feeling: slightly dizzy

A Coat
by William Butler Yeats

I made my song a coat
Covered with embroideries
Out of old mythologies
From heel to throat;
But the fools caught it,
Wore it in the world's eyes
As though they'd wrought it.
Song, let them take it,
For there's more enterprise
In walking naked.

I finally tracked down this poem that I had memorised on the R train going to Manhattan.
*fond memories*

Speaking of coats, I want a hot pink and navy wool peacoat I found on eBay.
Very uncharacteristic of me since it's from the 60s.
Which only means that i MUST win it.

greedy bitch

As of late I have transformed into a "greedy whore" in that I have placed 2 orders with Amazon.ca in this past week, all of the contents just for me! Yes!! I think it's b/c I feel like I deserve some treats for having finished all of my Xmas shoppin ahead of schedule.

*sigh* 2 more days at the office and then I'll be off until after the New Year. Can't wait the FUCK for 2004 to officially begin. I do well in even-numbered years I think.

Will return for some year-end lists.

Listening to: Peaches "AA XXX"
Feeling: Minnesota (hehe)

inner child..

Yep, this sounds about right : )

You're Ireland!

Mystical and rain-soaked, you remain mysterious to many people, and this
makes you intriguing.  You also like a good night at the pub, though many are just as
worried that you will blow up the pub as drink your beverage of choice.  You're good
with words, remarkably lucky, and know and enjoy at least fifteen ways of eating a potato.
 You really don't like snakes.
Take the Country Quiz at
the Blue Pyramid

....er, so does this:

My inner child is sixteen years old!

Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while
adults might just accept that, I know
something's gotta change. And it's gonna
change, just as soon as I become an adult and
get some power of my own.


How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla

Listening to: Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Feeling: typical itchy hives on right cheek

Times Square @ night.

new york, new york

Arrived home, parched and exhausted, from the Big Apple on Monday night.
One week hardly enough to see it all, no more than a tease.

Never saw so many lights, blacks, Hispanics, tourists, cops, El Greco paintings before.
Never mind the Thanksgiving shopping rush
that started at 5am, just as i was passing out.

Shoes, shirts, jackets, stockings, camera, makeup, Xmas gifts, handbags.........
Little Italy, Canal Street, East Village, SoHo, Greenwich Village, Bay Ridge, Century 21,
subway platforms that reek of stale piss.
Manhattan with her sky-high rents and fast pace still endears herself to me;
I'll live in a studio with 5 others if I have to.

Brian Setzer in the "bad part" of Long Island, saved by a kind soul who delivered us to safety (drove us to the LIRR station)
so we could avoid the aforementioned bad part of town. Brian Setzer looking like an elf in his green attire, but still one hell of a guitar player at that.
Awesome rendition of the Nutcracker suite, rockified with his orchestra.

So many men in hats. Lovely. You don't ever see enough men in hats these days.

Real Italian pizza oozing with cheese.
Didn't check out China Club on Monday night which I'm sure would've been oozing with cheese too.

Thanksgiving family dinner anxiety/boredom dissuaded with 3 Scrabble matches.

Crazy Hungarian cabbie cursing all the way to Penn Station and we were *still* late.

American cigaretes = hacking up a lung each night.
I think I'm addicted to the harshness now.
Also the harshness of "step down" mouthed by every salesperson in town too.

MoMA in Queens - an odd sight in the middle of a graffitti-covered wasteland.
Rockefeller Center, the Brooklyn Bridge, Ground Zero.
Stolen vanilla lattes from Starbuck's on Park Ave, hehe.
Overpriced delectable plates of maki at Bambu.
$10 for a double premium Scotch and 2 cocktails, at Hank's on Atlantic Ave.
Played Ms. PacMan beside an old jukebox that blasted country and rockabilly of its own accord.

Slept with 6 blankets at one point, sequestered in the "dungeon."
We were spoiled with the mild weather,
only to come home to a snow-covered Pearson Airport.

Fell in love with that city, in spite of myself.
Wanted to run through Times Square a la Tom Cruise in "Vanilla Sky."


Reading: a Taschen book on Warhol
Listening to: new Setzer cd

Totally dislike H right now. Grrrrrrr.

bitchy-ass bitches

Why is it that I am doomed to encounter so many bitchasses on an almost-daily basis?
One ase in point that pisses me off to no end occurred last night. Location: Sneaky Dees'.
There were 2 bitches working (1 of them had already proved herself to be a bitch last year some time - long story, save it for next rant) and the other bitch my party and I had realised was a bitch since she was our server. So this bitch is most unfriendly, not even a hint of a smile, and she is extremely curt with us and each time we ordered something, she wouldn't bother moving in closer and with a very disinterested demeanor, would just utter "Pardon." (note-there's no question mark there. She was just monotone). Not only that but each time we had placed a request (for food, a drink, etc, etc), she'd take it and then make some rounds around the other end of the bar or wipe up some tables before even placing our order with the bar. She never came by to ask how our food was and when we had finished, she came by and just said "Done?" and fucked off with the dishes. Oohhh, it's times like these that I really want to sit down at the table with a tip already laid out and with each asshole thing the server does, I could start taking loonies or quarters or whatever amount from the tip pile for each of their transgressions. Fuck!!! I keep rationalizing that maybe she's had some horrible tragedy or something happen in her life but then again, she really wouldn't be at work if that was the case. It wasn't at all busy or frantic on a Wednesday nite either. Or perhaps she's having a bad day but fuck I was having a BAD YEAR and i managed to be polite at work with a bunch of hood rats so that's not an excuse. And as a server, especially, you NEED to be nice to get those tips, duh. Really, there's no plausible explanation other than she's just a bitch. So the bill comes to $48.28 and we plop down $60.28 and she instantly comes over with "Do you need change." (again, no intonation here) I remember hearing Claud say "Yes, please." No duh, we already ascertained that she wasn't gonna get much of a tip to begin with but $12? You fuckin' keep dreaming you stupid wench!! We note that it's taking a long time for our change to come and notice that that she's off wiping tables and whatnot but hey, that's how she's been putting us off all night so nothing new. Finally Claud askes her for our change and she gets even more unbeleivably bitchy on our asses with "You have to understand that it's lound in here and you have to speak up. I asked you if you needed change"
Claud: I said yes.
Bitch: Well I heard no. (stomps off to fetch change)
Bitch comes back and says "Where's the receipt?:
Claud: Uh, you took it with our money. It was $48.28 and we gave you $60.28. You owe us $12.
(Bitch goes away again - comes back with a notepad) Well next time, you have to be louder, it's loud in here.... I can't find the receipt so what did you all order? (starts jotting our order down)
We tell her our order and then she's like "Are you sure you only had ONE Corona? (like we're trying to gyp her, stupid bitch)
Then she goes away again to re-imput our bill but not before too long she stalks back and shoots out "And a pack of cigarettes too!" which we admit that we forgot... she's fuckin all triumphant-like as if she caught us trying to gyp her.
Eventually the bill comes back and she slams the change down and skulks off without a word again. I leave her $3 (b/c I felt a little bad, and also b/c I plan to eat their veggie quesadilla and drink $5 double premium scotches again) much to my party's chastisements and we take off all pissed off and incredulous. I can't stand people who fuck up and then act like it's your fuckin' fault that they're stupid. I mean, why the fuck would she get a $12 tip on that bill? Especially with her self-righteous attitude? We were hardly drunk enough to be that careless and not only that, we were nothing but pleasant with her until we left. It's just rotten to be such a rotten cunt to people who are out trying to have a nice time out. ARRGHHHHHHHHHHHH>>>> she needs to get canned real soon.
Like a dried-up sardine in tomato paste.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!!

Reading: a bio on Zelda & Scott Fitzgerald
Listening to: Distillers

Even stranger than fiction

So strange the dream I had last night.
I was at a Frank Sinatra concert that was set up like a rock show with me standing upfront when all of a sudden, ol' blue eyes breaks into "Settle" by the Headstones. It's a really cool rendtion and I make a note to myself to tell HD all about it. Bah!

More strange is the goings-on at Melanie's apartment. To me, the place is exhibiting several signs of a classic haunting. The list then:
- lights being turned on once while we were out having remembered that they were turned off before we left
- a remarkable cold in Vanessa's room despite 2 heaters and the window being closed
- things missing/ misplaced in Vanessa's room
- electrical interferences with the tape recorder
- both of them hearing a man's murmured voice conversing in the living room
- the sounds of slippers walking about the place with no one else at home
- unexplained bites and scratches on the body
Okaaaay... time for a seance I say.
Meth just thinks it's a perverted landlord.
I just want to get to the bottom of this.

BINGO!

Mad dabbing, narrow misses, geriatrics, smoking chamber, french fries, IMMENSE boredom.....

What is it with the disappointing Danko Jones shoe at Lee's last weekend? I suppose to newbies and the curious, it would be considered a great show (got great ratings int he weeklies) but if you, like me and few others, were around at the shows since 1998, you'd be a tad nonplussed too by the spectacle. Their shows used to be so much more raw, and spontaneous and funny too- now it's just the same ol' same ol' schtick and typical set list of a typical rock show. It used to be more than just belting out the songs and sweat. Grrrrrr.... I guess it still is an above-average rock show.. but it used to be so much more than just that. Then again, with the Rolling Stones personally picking you out of all the local bands to open for them at the Palais ROyale and having your faces platered all over Europe..... why not just pack it in and give everyone the best rock show ever?
Gawd : ( Even with tthe new cd, I find myself zapping through so many tracks.

Last nite, saw the Blue Demons open up for the Sin-Tones at the Cadillac Lounge. Sam, the barkeep, recommended me some 100 yr old Scotch, which I drank.. and hated. It tasted like a senior *ick*. Other than that, the Dancer of Parkdale was present, whom i had seen before pumping at Stones Place (I think) and he was insane and in love with Claudia hehe. Then a loser came to me with lines like "What nationality are you?" "Do you believe in true love?" and my fave, "Do you like to have sex a lot?" *nexttimesaveyourselfthetroubleyoustupidfucknutpigfaceassholefuck* I'm glad the cover was only $5. Back to redrum's apartment to gorge on thin-crust pizza.

And now i'm in a dilemma over a costume for the Halloween shindig. Looks like someone bought the feather masquerade mask I had my peepers on off of eBay and I am out of ideas. I don't want to fork over for a rental either. If worse comes to worse, it'll have to be the white sheet over my head.

Listening to: "Forget My Name" Danko Jones
Reading: BUtterfield 8 by John O'Hara

pregnant idiocy

Stupid-ass incident at the office today - 15 mins before closing, a woman calls and demands to be seen RIGHT away b/c she's been having contractions for hours and now there's a burning sensation "down there." Um, maybe the hospital maternity ward would be more apt? Sheeit.

Tonite will be checking out Dale at Healey's once again. Hopefully Ann will be there; on the same note, hopefully a certain GoonieBird won't be : )

Listening to: unknown song title by The Dears
Eating: M & M's Plain

(you've got)Issues

I have issues with...

children submission walls men work

Take Word Association Test

you've got personality

ENFP - "Journalist". Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 5% of the total population.

Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test

destiny

What is Your Destiny? by Valcion
Name
Color
Birthday
Destiny	Savior of the human race
Date when you fufill your destiny	June 16, 2014
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

breakup--the end?

*sigh* Time is standing still on this sad day. This is what greeted me upon waking up this afternoon:

HEADSTONES TO HALT:

After 12 solid years of touring and making records, we have made the decision to disband. It is for both personal and professional reasons, only time will tell if we shall return. All of our love and gratitude to the fans who supported us through this incredible time; we would not have made it without you. We will keep everyone informed.

Love,
Headstones

Coincidentally (is it ever a coincidence, really?), here is what my horoscope had to say:

Beginnings and endings will be overlapping in the near future, Scorpio. They will demand that you grow rapidly. It won't always be easy to tell them apart, either; you'll have to become wiser faster in order to understand the clues. Here are two meditations to guide you: 1. Which of the long-running dramas of your life have run their course? 2. What struggling dreams are aching to resurrect themselves and bloom again as if for the first time? Once you figure out the answers to those questions, act dynamically to nurture what's being born and expedite the dissolution of what's dying.

I am speechless right now. Denial aside, I'll be back for more insight on this : (
.....maybe after I'm through my stages of grieving.

Feeling: 1003 different emotions
Listening to: "It's All Over Now" Rolling Stones

On The Doctor's Office Visit

A sample list of basic etiquette when the need to go to the doctor's (deity forbid!) arises....if you have basic common sense and were not raised by a pack of wolves, you should already know all this, and my apologies. However, there are simply way too many assinine yahoos out there.

On making an appointment.

Yes, sorry to break it to you, but you ALWAYS should make an appointment, regardless of your "emergnecy" which in that case you should really be going to the Emergency ward at the nearest hospital.

Be concise on the phone-your full name, date and time you wish to come in, and also if there's anything special you require outside of a general assessment such as annual full-physical, forms to be signed, etc. Know your availability.

Do not call and then put the receptionist on hold-we are very busy people.

On arriving at the office.

Be on time - NOT an hour early or late - and sign in at the reception with your health card handy. A simple "Hi" works well too instead of just barking out your name at the receptionist.

If you made the appointment solely for yourself, please don't ask me to "pull out family member/friend/lover's chart out as well. This really screws up the schedule that is necessarily behind already.

Please don't just walk right past me and barge into the doctor's room without being called in first.

Don't ask me how many more people are ahead of you, you can count the heads in the waiting room, can't you?

Do not change the television channel without noting if people are tuned in or not. Especially don't change it to some skanky music video station.

On the consultation.

Don't waste everyone's time by getting checked out and then not believng that you have diabetes/hypertension/hypothyroidism, etc, proceed to surf the internet for more hypochodriac jargon to bring to the next visit.

Don't keep phoning me everyday for test results. It''s basically standard that IF there is a problem, we will call you. Be happy that we don't.

Man, I had such a shitty 10 hour day at the office today....... tomorrow will be better.

Feeling: slight tension headache, slight sore neck muscles

nietzsche

What if a demon were to creep after you one night and say, "This life that you live must be lived by you once again and innumerable times more; and every pain and joy and thought and sigh must come again to you, all in the same sequence. The eternal hourglass will again and again be turned-and you with it!"? Would you throw yourself down, gnash your teeth and curse that demon? Or would you answer, "Never have I heard anything more divine'?
-Friedrich Nietzsche

i am a cat from hell

That's me up above. I am a luxe-kitty from hell because I am getting back into the greedfest frenzy again and have found something AMAZING on ebay and yet and yet I checked the price today and the current bid is now over $85when last night it was all of $20. I can't afford it. ANd it's sooooo gotta have it. Ok ok enough bitching, I'll tell you what it is. It's a DEADSTOCK Warner's Original Cinch--Bra from the mid-50's, sort of like a corset/bra thingie in black lace with red details. In my size!!!!!! It was the same one Tempest Storm made famous in her burlesque flicks too! Of course, owning a part of history comes at no small price.

Feeling: ire
Drinking: a hazelnut-flavored lactose free steamer from Second Cup

My so called life

......is sucking large. It really shouldn't be either because Mars whcih is my ruling planet is closer to Earth right now than in the past 60 000 years and I should be reaping the good fortune. So why is it sucking so much? Why? I'll give ya some examples alright. I'm actually hoping that this is cosmic retribution for all my past evilness and *very* shortly, the better things will be coming my way a la Massive Attack.
1. After a hellish day at work today, I drove all the way to Brampton in the relentless SUN and HEAT to pick up some vaccines but got there late 2 minutes late after trailing behind tractor trailers hogging up all the fuckin' lanes..... so an hour wasted. And sunny/humid/road rage does not a happy girl make.
2. People keep stealing pictures of my Headstoner site sans permission even though it clearly states to ask first. Fuckin' thieves!
3. I bought Arx Fatalis but my video card is too prehistoric to run it.
4. Every store that I have searched for the new Rancid disc at is sold the fuck right out of it.
5. Continous neck and shoulder pain with no one to massage it for me ..... waaaaaaaah.
6. No one to massage my neck and shoulder aches..... WAAAAAAAAAH.
7. A certain unnamed someone is fulfilling all my wishes and in doing so is making me H-A-T-E them, grrrr.
8. No gigs all Augustlong. Well, none that I wasn't too tired to go to anyhow.
9. The new tv in my room. It kills brain cells but at least I haven't been watching it like the first 2 nights I got it. First movie I watched was "La Dolce Vida" and then "the Shining" which scared me for a few days.
10. Cat piss (again!) on my sofa. Who the culprit is I don't know since Tux was nutted and shouldn't be spraying anymore and Jude? She loves me; doubtful that it's her. Hmmmmm maybe it was Wanda, who stayed over this past weekend. You'd think that at age 20 one would be able to express anger in ways other than through the urethra.

Listening to: Sex Pistols "God Save the Queen"
Feeling: indifferent ennui

diabolic rheumatoid arthritis

DIE BASTARD BATS DIE!!!!!

that is exactly the affliction that is plaguing me tonite. my whole right hand's joints are killing me and i can hardly type this but i will try my best. the past 3 days i have been playing the FUCK out of DIablo II (agian!!) so far so good because already i am up against the head honcho himself in the final act after only a few nites' worth of action. god, how it pains me to see my character die so often just b/c i rushed thorugh the whole thing and her level is only 26 whereas it should be about 30 to fight Diablo. sabotage, that's what i call it. and "diabolic rheumatiod arthritis" is what i call crazy pc gamer chix like myself. methroach would be playing with me too if she didn't have to get up for work tomorrow morning.

the state of my fingers and aching knotty neck proves one thing - i LUUUURVE to kill, baby ; )

Listening to: some rockabilly song that goes "I'm not crazy/I'm just in love..." that is repeating in my head
Rather liking: Burt's Bees lemon butter cuticle cream (back off, i'm a secretary and THIS is a godsend)

long weekend gamer

It's officially the last long weekend of the summer
AND someone's birthday that they'd rather forget about;
becoming one year closer to senility and all.

I've been murdering time and monsters by playing Diablo
12 hours each day
I think to myself, if only I were getting paid for this,
I'd be a poor little rich girl *sigh*

May all the Honda drivers of Canada unite
on this muggy Civic holiday.


Listening to: a sleeping house
Feeling: sore wrists, index finger, and upper-back

august shows

September used to mark a new year for me and all students alike. A new beginning to new stressors, good and bad. Now the only "new year" for me starts in January, the actual start of the year for us Westerners. I was just pondering this because a futile shopping excursion for bummy clothes pissed me off to no end since all the Fall clothing is on display now and yet the summer clothing is still regularly priced. Pshaw, fucked in both ends. Looks like May may become my new new year seeing as I will be continuing my studies at George Brown college for a 14-month stature. Please don't be too deadly.

Last day of July today. What have I got planned for August, you ask? Well, allow me to share some upcoming shows.
Elvis karaoke (Bah! I missed the annual Elvis festival in Collingwood this past weekend...grrr)
Tijuana Bibles (finally, a show!!)
Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Teenage Head
Maximum R n R
Royal Crowns
Dandy Warhols
Sam Roberts
Please note that I will NOT be drinking at any of these events. I will be the Sober Designated Drver.
And this spazoid gigging is retribution for not going to Sarsfest.........who's in?

Menthol cigarettes give me a headache. As bad coffee does. It's not freakin' rocket science to work at Tim Horton's - I know- it was my very first job- so why, oh why, are some workers incompetent? Coffee is cheap ergo it should always be fresh, no?

Listening to: Buddy Holly "Baby Won't You Come Out Tonight"
Reading: VICE

List, List, Oh List!! Why I Must Not Drink So Much ALchohol

i) High tolerance: I can't get drunk ever off my beverage du jour, single-malt scotches.
ii) Fear of eventually drinking alone in my room every night ie. reverting to previous alcoholic tendenceies.
iii) Drinking at bars inevitably highers not my buzz level but my ability to put up with assholes and ignoramuses alike.
iv) High tolerance = too much money..... and for what???!!!
v) Worse insomnia after more than 2 drinks during the night.
vi) Alcoholic blackouts. Back in the day when I used to get "hammered," people have told me about so many fun times I allegedly had but now cannot remember at all.
vii) Screwing/fooling around while drunk or in the aftermath of drunkeness is not fun.
viii) Cirrhosis of the liver.
ix) When drinking gin, multiple bodily injuries.
x) If I stop altogether now, there's a good chance I can actually get wasted on my b-day come November.

Listening to: "Panic in Detroit" David Bowie
Alcohol tally: 0 (good gal!!)

my need for speed

Woke up early this afternoon in order to speed-walk to the mailbox to retrieve my new puff-sleeved, red-zippered, black twill distillers jacket I won off eBay last week. There it was, in the brown parcel wrapping we all love to see sitting on the bottom of our mailboxes but there was also another surprise. The evelope was marked from Discount Car & Truck Rentals in ALberta and lookee here, looks like on July 3rd, the photo radar somewhere in Calgary caught me "speeding" along one of their highways at approximately 12.36pm. Erggggghhhhh. This is most unfair seeing as it was improbable that I was speeding at such an early hour (hey! I'm on vacation!) and I don't even recall being in Calgary on that date---I thought I was in Lloydmindster, but a photo's a photo...... The stupidest part is that I was caught doing 124km/hr in a 100 kn/hr zone. HEL-LO! I am a Torontonian, and by our highway standards, I'd be driving at least the average on any major highway, in fact I'd even be going too slow in the left lane as it were. I hate Discount---we are always jined every time we rent from them. Never again I say! How ironic that stupid photo radar caught me driving this little bit over the limit whereas the rest of the trip I did at least 145-50 kn/hr straight. To hell in a hand-basket. And there goes $170 unless I feel like flying to Calgary for the trial come September. I think I'll plead guilty as charged : (

Listening to: the hum of my computer
Reading: "Moody Food" Ray Robertson

late sunday nite sugar-high

I ate too much sugar today. This would be found in several servings of mashed potatoes, blasted Timbits & iced cap, a scoop of ice cream, and 2 cans of root beer. Fuckin-A, and I'm not even PMSing nor do I even have a penchant for sweets. I'm already sweet enough as it is. Ha!

Missed not one but TWO shows this weekend. Missed Friday nite's in Renfrew because I had to work bright and early on Saturday morning and I am too old now to go to work on hectic Saturday and not sleep at all the night before. The show most likely would end by 1am but then there's partying to be had for the next coupla hours and then a 4 + hours' drive back home? No, can't do it and expect to be competent at work the following day. Missed Saturday night's show in Manotick because by the time I learned aobut this gig, it was barely 5 hours before showtime. My hair wasn't even washed yet so, no go. Besides, I do not want my 99th or 100th show in a town called Manotick. Besides, I heard that H was in a pissy asshole mood.

I need a vacation. SOON!!!!!!!!! Anywhere, please, take me away? I am vanting to go.........

Listening to: "Mean Mean Man" Wanda Jackson
Wearing: Pink kitty logo T, pink shorts, pink nail laquer, black framed specs, thumb ring, hair claw.

The Return of the Hard Core Groupie

Whoa... not a single post to be read in almost 2 months, jeez..... Well, I've been busy...sorta.

Went out West (again) in pursuit of my 100th Headstones show, which didn't pan out because I'm lacking 2 more until the big one. Canada Day marked our first show in Alberta, in Drayton Valley, then Brooks, Edmonton, Lloydminster, and finally Calgary. And NO I didn't go to the Stampede but I did go to Chinatown in downtown Calgary where the dumplings are impressively H-U-G-E!!! But the price of the dishes were also a lot more than we'd pay here too : ( Stayed at yet another YWCA (last time was in '99 in Halifax; different province, albeit the same compulsion) in Calary and it wasn't too bad except that we had to drag our asses ouside onto the balcony in order to smoke....pshaw! My favourite part of the Y was not the crazy woman at the check-in counter, oh no, but the giggling Japanese tourists who were staying in a room a few doors down from ours, who each took about an hour-long shower each. Two thoughts came to my mind---either they're drowning each other in there or all four of them are sudsing up each others' backs at once. And curse the hand-held shower heads! Curse them!!!

I must say that I luuuurve driving on them prairie province highways. Did 150km/hr the entire trip in a silver Corolla, in sunshine, rain, dense fog, and on dangerously dark roadkill covered roads. Their speed limit is 110km/hr which is good but what is even better is how laid-back the drivers are that they will actually move out of the left lane asap as soon as they see you nearing them in the rearview. Now that's what I call cooperation. I also loved seeing HD and how great he was during the shows, and it makes everything worth it when you know that besides just wanting to fuck you, he appreciates your integrity and plays harder during the set just because you're there in the crowd. Not cool, however, is my demeanor whenever he happens to look really good and is supernice at the same time. Instead of being nice back to him, I can't help but put on the icy act *sigh*. No wonder why he hasn't responded to my email yet......

Back for not even a week and Claud, Wanda, and I got a car from our pal Jay at Avis and I drove us all up to Renfrew (near Ottawa) for gig 98 only to arrive there after 6 hours and to be told that the show's been cancelled b/c HD has laryngitis. GRRRR. It had started raining as well, damned black clouds looming over us, and so what to do but to go to Brockville where they were supposed to play the following night. Got to the club-same deal--cancelled. SO we checked in to the Days Inn, ordered 3 large pizzas, watche Law & Order, dressed up like hookers and hit the bar scene. C'mon it's Friday nite, but then again what the hell were we thinking, it's Brockville, and so we ended up at the bar they were supposed to have played. Sheesh. If only I had bought my camera. THe stupid cover band absolutely butchered the Ramones "I Wanna Be Sedated" and all 6 people present were their friends. So i made up some nice moves to Joan Jett's "I Hate Myslef For Loving You" and turned my pants into Daisy Dukes as well. Fuckin' retarded good fun. Wanda wanted to sleep whereas Claud and I were all too accustomed to the nastiness. Next day, didn't want to go home after we checked out so I drove to Bobcaygeon, but being borad daylight, did not see the constellations at all, sorry Gord :) The whole time I just kept thinking, I could've simply stayed home and gone to the Teenage Head show at the Healey's on Saturday nite. Nah, in hindsight, any trip anywhere is better than none.

Mom's in New York now with my aunt, and two cousins. Bah, I am considering driving down in a couple of days if only to check out the Hot Topic stores. And to get away of course.

Feeling good because I put up several auctions on eBay tonite, which I haven't done in far too long.

Oh yes, Happy 26th Birthday, Claudia!!!!!!!! Just wait 'til you get your gift, buhahahahahahaha!


Listening to: Blur "Good Song"
Feeling: cabin fever (again!!!!!!)

hollywood schmollywood

The idle escapist in me watched 3 flicks on the big screen this week. And in order of preference, they are:

X2 (Hugh Jackman)
Better Luck Tomorrow (The Boyfriend)
Identity (John Cusack)

Appropriate eye candy in parentheses. Each time I go to AMC theatres, I get antsy and paranoid that they'll actually stare at my York University student i.d. card and note that it expired in April 2001. All this panic just to save a few dollars *sigh* But it's a few dollars' well-saved if it goes toward purchasing a large cherry Icee.... Absolutely CANNOT wait until HD's flick, Ginger Snaps the Prequel comes out but I'm sure I've got a couple of years to go. Also can't wait to tease him about his impeccable long-distance telephone skills in Buffalo on the 24th. In regards to the movies, I get a wee antsy about a lot of things. I like to be in the theatre at least half-hour before the start; never-before-seen previews; no one sitting beside, in front of or behind me kicking my seat and eating loudly; and please justshutthefuckup during the movie please? There should be noise sensors that just automatically eject you out of your seat as soon as you exceed the quiet level and hurl you out into the cosmos.

Tomorrow night is my last late-night of freedom before I start working 6 days a week at the office. Am considering going to Roger's "First Wednesday of the Month Party" at some lounge on College St. but I don't have any little sculptures or art pieces to bring. Certainly, some booze must be had ; )

Oh, here comes that damned black cat who insists on turning my living quarters, ie. the basement, into a filthy pit that reeks of cat piss. The nerve of him to actually try to sidle up to me in the hopes that I'll pet him like I do Jude. Ha!! Begone, creature!

Listening to: Rosie Flores "You Tear Me Up" / my tummy making strange chants
Smelling: cat piss
Menthol bitch-stix inhaled: 6

Intrrrrroducing...........

Wow.... here I am, all ready, set, and going to post all my thoughts online for the microcosm to absorb. Not much to write today - this being my second day off in a row is sorta like my Sunday and the best Sundays are spent chillaxing and being bummy so that's what I did. Dimsum with la famille, laundry, hand-washing (grrrrrrrrr) vintage under-garments, harassing baby Declo.

Today is the Battle of Puebla Day in Mexico. Not sure what they're up to there but you can thank my lovely appointment book at the office for granting me some rote knowledge of Mexican holidays. They have incredible names although I've no clue as to what they're all about. Day of the Dead, Virgin of Guadalupe Day, Day of the Race..... Blech, for a lack of reading material at work, I study the Improtant Dates section of the book. Blech, again.

Got a call from Claud who sounded like she was in a bit of a funk over.. John-the-Metis, and so we went out for some brew. The rain was beating down like gothic horror style-too bad we were at an Irish pub, which are never good for atmosphere. Talked about older clueless drunken days in foreign cities and of course, the idiocy of what passes for love. Things don't exactly look up for her but all I can do is tell her to wait it out. She will be fine, I know it--- hell, if my ordeal since last Summerl isn't convincing enough of survival, I'll cut off my left pinkie. Well alright, my left pinkie *nail.*

Ah, I am actually feeling alright about a number of things that are beyond my control. I'm learning.

More tomorrow. Sorry that this first entry is so unceremonious, not even an ounce of obscenity in it. Maybe next time, ah-kay, ah-kay.

Listening to: Andy Stochansky "Stutter"
Alchohol count: 3